Hello to my readers who still may be left. LOL I have totally been slacking on the blogs bit my family (and unfortunately my job) have required and deserved more attention from me. I miss you guys though. So here is the plan. As often as I can I will be blogging and trying to keep up with Wellness Wednesday. Now on to some things that have been on my mind…
How I feel most days
Why is it that family can hurt you worse than anyone? Is it because we have an innate sense of wanting to be accepted by them? Why can’t I just say fu@# it to them as I have to so many others (maybe I don’t wanna miss Thanksgiving dinner ehh *shrug*)… Uh oh I’m rambling let me give you some back story.
My brother (I have three only grew up with one) and I have never had that relationship that you see on TV. We are definitely no Brandy and Ray J LOL. Our relationship has been dysfunctional as far back as I can remember. We are 8 years apart and I’m the baby so I get his resentment issues but dam I didn’t ask to be here. I don’t think either of my parents made the relationship or lack thereof any better. Anywho we are adults now and that is neither here nor there.
So the problem is his FAVORITE child quite possibly has an eating disorder and she is 12. She told me jokingly of course “food is not your friend… I don’t eat… I don’t have time for all that.” Later her mom expressed to me that within a week’s time a new pair of jeans no longer fit because she had lost weight. Then I hear that possibly she has been eating and throwing up. *Let me just tell you all kind of mommy bells and therapist alarms are ringing* So when I see her (we usually do not mesh well because I think she is too grown for her pants and don’t take kindly to children talking back to me) I’m overly nice because I need to talk to her.
That was mistake number 1. I should have ignored her as usual and kept my freakin nose and therapeutic instinct to myself. Well I didn’t. Long story short I casually mentioned eating disorders and how then can negatively affect your body, praised her for working so hard at basketball and told her she was really getting an athlete’s body and proper nutrition was key. That’s it moved on nothing else was said she spent the rest of the evening up my ass.
Fast foward to her going home I get a call from my brother demanding to know why I teased his daughter about eating disorders and I know how sensitive she is, I'm supposed to be a psychologist so I know better (Uh wrong I'm a therapist but maybe oneday i will be a psychologist), I'm one of the smartest people he knows so I should do a child like this (thanks for the compliment but whoa). Now me on the other end of the phone in shock like WTF. I did not hurt her feelings (she is a huge cry baby and I would have known). I try to explain myself but by now I'm pissed because he simply assumed I was trying to be malicious to the 12 year old. He never said what happened or anything he just went all in.
As a therapist I’m used to people being upset with me and I even warn them that the initial session is always best and there will be times you won’t like me. My job is to show the person what they are presenting to me and help them change what they deem needs to be changed. No one wants to be called on their crap so it is often a little conflict. Back to my brother, why is not possible that my adult techniques didn’t work with the 12 year old so she felt upset. Why did it have to be I was intentionally trying to hurt her? So he continued to try to tell me I was wrong and should not have said anything to her (yea ok lets enable this dangerous behavior and then act shocked when she is sick later). I say fine I wont say anything to any of your children and he says then don’t and I hang up and I’m a wreck.
Emotionally I freakin come apart. Maybe it was because a few days earlier was talking to the Mr about my brother and how we have no relationship and I need to come to terms that he will never give me the relationship I want from him. Maybe its because I hold things in so everything that had been bothering me came out… nope its because my brother said to my dad that he and all his children were out of the wedding (one of whom I am extremely close with and call her my first child and have never imagined my wedding day without her) and that he was done with me. He told my mom that he considered this chapter closed and I'm the reason he does not come to their house when I'm in town.
I knew we weren’t close, and that I'm not his favorite person in the world but DAM. I also thought that all the bonding we did on the road trip to see my aunt was fake (I thought he was just spying for my mom- that’s a whole other post) but now I KNOW it was fake.
I’m convinced he was there to report back since my mom can tell stories like she was on the dam trip anyway. I feel like I was hit with a brick I watched being thrown at me.
Whew… and this is the reason I blog, to get it all out. Yes it hurts but you know what I will be fine. I don’t want to be a sister to someone who does not want to be my brother. Sometimes DNA is just that, chromosomes that happen to match because we came through the same birth canal. It will be fine I’m sure. What I have learned in life and most recently planning this wedding is that people leave your life. Just that simple. Everyone you meet is not there for long haul whether some of our genes match or not.