Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Wellness Wednesday- PTSD

As usual my wellness posts are inspired by my clients. Today I saw a client who said “I just wish I could go back before it all happened.” She was describing her life as a well adjusted adult with friends, hobbies, and what she perceived as purpose. Then she was raped. Now EVERYTHING for her has changed and she struggles daily to function. She is suffering with Posttraumatic Stress Disorder. This disorder gained a lot of attention with soldiers however it effects others as well. For this woman the thought of a man being behind her sends her into an anxiety attack. She cannot imagine dating because with dating comes sex most times and she has lost all desire. Even if a man is polite she sees him as a threat. Needless to say her relationship with her boyfriend is over. The final thing that brought her to therapy was when her mom looked at her and said “move on a lot of people have been raped and they put their lives back together.” She cried as she told me that she didn’t know how to stop smelling him, hearing his voice, and thinking about the incident. She began to sob as she went on to tell how one night destroyed her life. She is not sleeping, she is angry and ALWAYS afraid.

Then she looked up at me with tearful brown eyes and asked “now how do I get back to before.” As a woman I wanted to hug her and tell her how strong she was for even showing up today and that she could certainly get through this. As a therapist I did some other intervention that involves asking her to describe before and identify her negative thoughts.

Post-traumatic stress disorder is a type of anxiety disorder. It can occur after you've seen or experienced a traumatic event that involved the threat of injury or death. Below I have detailed the symptoms.

Symptoms of PTSD fall into three main categories:

1. "Reliving" the event, which disturbs day-to-day activity

·         Flashback episodes, where the event seems to be happening again and again

·         Repeated upsetting memories of the event

·         Repeated nightmares of the event

·         Strong, uncomfortable reactions to situations that remind you of the event

2. Avoidance

·         Emotional "numbing," or feeling as though you don't care about anything

·         Feeling detached

·         Being unable to remember important aspects of the trauma

·         Having a lack of interest in normal activities

·         Showing less of your moods

·         Avoiding places, people, or thoughts that remind you of the event

·         Feeling like you have no future or a sense of a shortened future

3. Arousal

·         Difficulty concentrating

·         Startling easily

·         Having an exaggerated response to things that startle you

·         Feeling more aware (hypervigilance)

·         Feeling irritable or having outbursts of anger

·         Having trouble falling or staying asleep

Reading this post does not make you an expert. If you or someone you know needs help GO AND GET IT!!!! You can regain control of your life.

The ugly truth, Pictures, and a GIVEAWAY!!!

Guess whose back!!! time to share with you ladies....So here it is, my truth. I mean the whole point of this blog is to have people validate me right write what I want and be accountable for my weight while documenting my life. Ok Im procrastinating so I will get to it…. I have been totally slipping in EVERYTHING….

Honestly my weight loss has stalled I have not helped it with this whole eating like a man and falling back into old habits. I’m avoiding the scale AGAIN because let’s face it I don’t even want to know what she has to say at this point. I have been working out though so that is always a good thing!

I have sucked in school. I can make A’s without trying. I’m not bragging I’m being factual and let’s be clear these are A’s in Psychology and Counseling not Calculus and Chemistry but they are A’s nonetheless. Well I will be making a B in this class because there were some assignments I simply didn’t do. WHO DOES THAT?????? Apparently I now do…

My home is not as clean as it should be, my progress notes at work are behind, when was the last time I blogged again…. Whew this is kind of depressing so I will end it on a high note.

 My birthday was great!!!
the Mr. waiting patiently as I prepped

Moma's gotta brand new bag!!!!!

He did not complain about the car photo session on my day!!!

Why is my arm so huge???? Uggghhh

Oh well my dress is CUTE!!!!!!

Stopped here for a snack and so I could do some homework

I have a love hate relationship with these shoes I should have taken a side picture
If you know me you know I LOOOOVE Chillis. Also the Mr. and I had our first date, and he propsed at this Chillis

See this is why I am avoiding the scale and that Margarita was TERRIBLE to me

So I had to change and head to the Soccer field that other dress was a bit short for all the wind on the field with the kiddos LOL!!!

Thats my girl!!!!!

 I am back in weight loss mode, and let me tell you it is a journey. I applaud the women who just are fit and it comes so naturally and they never want a burger or fried anything. I however slip up and it is a struggle. I have started running outside while my family practices soccer. I was even doing my own little HIIT routine (15 sec squats, 15 sec Jumping Jacks, run 30 sec and some other stuff I was playing around with) with the stop watch on my phone I know the people driving by thought I was CRAZY LOL!!!  I could probably do a separate post on how much I took the Deadmill *cough* Treadmill for granted. Running outside is a BEAST BABY!!!!!

Mini Me made straight A’s on her report card!!!! She  is totally excelling in soccer. One of the coaches said “she is neck and neck with (star kids name)!!!!!”. This is like a huge compliment. I mean when this kid is late to a game all the parents are like have you seen him where is he and there is a sigh of relief when he arrives.

The Mr. performed at the Gospel Music City Awards Pre Show, and was on a radio show that will be played nationwide on Sunday  promoting his original song “He’s All Good”- gospel, and play Deception Fooled by a Feeling. I have nominated myself as his Wife-ager (Wife and manager) LOL, and he has nominated me to be his photographer which is fine because I LOOOVE pictures. I usually prefer to be in them.

this was his part

So see I have been busy but I will be working on some better time management so I can get back to posting more regularly but family first and it seems that they have needed me more….I may try to be like to cool bloggers and get post ready ahead of time so there is less pressure IDK I guess blogging is a new adventure for me as well.
Now what you really want to know about is that my girl Shana over at Meet the Browns is giving away $50 GIFT CARD TO VICTORIA SECRET!!!!!!!! Get this no rafflecoppter!!!! thats what she said LOL. She just wants to grow her blog so grab her button below and help her out. You can check out her page for more details!!!


Wednesday, April 10, 2013

What its Wellness Wednesday!!!!

Its Wednesday I’m feeling good (no reported client relapses today) and I have some minor down time so let me see if I can pull this post together! Lately my clients have been struggling with decision making. It seems so easy to me. Weigh your options and go with the one that is best for you. I am a list person so I write out the pros and cons and boom the decision kind of makes itself. Still you wouldn’t believe how hard that may be for some for whatever reason.  So the 7 clients I saw today inspired this post. How to make a decision….

1.       Look past the moment.- In recovery lingo they say “play the tape all the way through.” This just means once the decision is made what type of benefits and consequences may follow. A sign of immaturity is going for that instant gratification, and making the decision in the present moment not caring what happens next. It is important to remember one decision may have very long lasting term benefits or consequences.

2.       Is this a head or a heart choice?- Head choices tend to be practical, calculated, and make a lot sense. While heart choices feel right they speak to your passions as a person. Now this one is tricky because in some instances you need to follow your heat, but there are also times when it may lead you astray and you have to use your head. In my personal life the choices I am most happy with had a good combo of the two.

3.       Ask yourself will I be ok if this doesn’t work?- When thinking about failure this includes money, love, relationships, energy and time that we feel is wasted. Should your decision not work out the way you planned are you resilient enough to bounce back. For example betting your whole life savings on a race. If you lose then what? Do you have income to rebuild what you lost?

4.       How will this effect those around me?- This is especially important for those of us who are attached to someone (ie- kids, spouses).  Once the decision is made should it be great or a great disaster how are others effected. Keeping the race example from above if you lose your saving will your children be able to attend college, get braces?

So there you have it. This post pretty much sums up the day I have had LOL. Except that I often have to say how will drugs effect the outcome? LOL Hope you enjoyed this. What’s your decision making process?

Monday, April 8, 2013

Wedding To Do List

Hello ladies here is a little wedding update. I have been a total slacker since I put together my binder LOL. I was thinking ok I’m organized so its cool. Then I thought maybe I’m ahead of the game. I have never fully planned a wedding so hell I was just winging it from the list I have collected.  SOOOO I browsed the internet and went to my go to girl for wedding planning. She was nice enough to email little ole me her to do list. I will be honest she is doing waaaay more than I am (I wanted to say dang girl what is your budget but that’s a bit ummm well less than tactful  LOL) but her list is great! I took a bunch of things off and adjusted it to what Im actually doing you can go to her cite for the full list.  Let me check my actual progress

Set a date

Book a venue

Book photographer

Book videographer (ONLY if it is in the budget)

Book DJ

Ask bridal party to be in wedding

Create wedding website (working on that currently)

Book florist (found one need to put the deposit down for it to be official)

Buy wedding dress (not even looking until June I have soooo much more weight to lose)

Lose 70 pounds (I’m down about 25)

Select bridesmaid dresses

 Select and order groom & groomsmen attire (that’s on the Mr.)

Book cake baker

Buy cake knife and server (am I doing this?)

Order save the dates

Finalize guest list

Antique cake stand

Cake topper

Ring pillow

Order save the dates- these are picked just not ordered

Send save the dates

Order guest book (my photographer is making this with our engagement pictures)

Reserve hotel room blocks

MOB & MOH & MTOH dress shopping

Find wedding shoes

Choose wedding jewelry

Find garter

Clutch for bride

Something old

Something new- the dress counts right?

Something borrowed

Something blue

6 pence- (what’s this?)

Make day-of emergency kit

Going away outfit (maybe)

Book makeup artist and hair stylist

Wedding favors- candy bar only if its in the budget

Getting ready outfit for bride and bridesmaids

Menu tasting

Cake tasting

Hair and makeup trial

Dress fitting (HA I don’t even have a dress)

Order invitations (get custom artwork finished)

Send invitations

Bridal party gifts

Purchase wedding bands

Put together picture list for photographer- this is done I just need to send it to her

Get marriage license- will do that after we complete counseling

Book transportation for wedding party (this is for the Mr.)

Welcome bags- not sure we are doing this any ideas to make it budget friendly????

Gift for Groom

Music selection for band and for ceremony (In progress)

Playlists for cocktail hour and rehearsal dinner

Book wedding night hotel room- I think this is in my package???

Order thank you notes

Tips and thank you notes for vendors




Book musician

Book church

Pre-marital counseling (In progress)




Book caterer (included at the hotel)

Order rentals (may not need any)- I think I only need white table cloths

Decorations for bride and groom’s chairs- my designer is doing this

Cocktail music etc

Flip flops or nice flats


Rehearsal Dinner: (Well I have to decide if we are doing this, it may not be in the budget)

Book venue

Rehearsal dinner music

Rehearsal dinner d├ęcor/flowers/cups

Rehearsal dinner caterer

Rehearsal dinner rentals

Order invitations

Send invitations



Bachelorette party- this is for the MOH and the Matron of honor

Bachelor party- not sure

Bridal showers- my girls will handle this

Book honeymoon- this is for the Mr.

Honeymoon shopping- waiting for the proverbial weight loss

 Hostess gift for all my showers- Waiting to see how many I have

Now  looking at this list, I had better get busy. I left some comments next to things and if you have any advice, websites, or tricks to save money and keep it fabulous PLEASE by all means let a girl know!!! Something’s are waiting for other things like no save the dates until the engagement pics are done. So it seems that I have made some progress but still have a bit to do.  I will keep you guys updated….READY SET GO!!!!!

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Liebster Award

Just when I was feeling unimportant my girl Shana hooked me up with this nice award. Go check out her blog she is amazing!!! The point is to tell 11 facts bout yourself, then answer 11 questions and nominate 11 people that dont have a lot of followers. (I think)...
So lets get to it: My facts are----
I like Pepsi over coke
Girfriends is my all time fav show and I often throw in quotes from the show and people believe I’m cooler than I really am because they didn’t watch the show lol
I’m soooo TEAM ANDROID!!!!!
I’m pissed about google reader leaving and not totally sure how I feel about bloglovin
I hate running outside but have a growing love affair with the deadmill
I want to lose 50 more pounds but struggle to eat right- bad food really calls my name
My fave color is blue
I have one child
I’m engaged
I’m a second time around grad student- not really sure why I did this to myself again ugghhh
I have a stuffed animal named Jo Jo that I REFUSE to get rid of… he even went to college with me LOL
I was asked-
How long have you been blogging?- I started blogging in 2011.

What's your advice to someone who wants to build their readers and commenter’s in blog? Considering that I don
t have many LOL I would probably say do link ups and connect with other bloggers, blog consistently (I need to do better) and a give way wouldnt hurt. I also know some newer bloggers who attribute their growth to sponsoring blogs that are very popular.

Have you ever met any of your bloggers? Aside from my friend Larry (which is how I started blogging) Nope

What's your favorite season and why? Spring and only because my birthday is in the spring LOL Otherwise it would be summer.

Do you believe in God and what kind of relationship do you have with him? I definitely believe in God. I pray daily and believe that with him all things are possible. I cannot quote verses and such but Im learning.

Do you have kids if so how many and ages and names? I have a daughter named Zahiyah (mini me as I refer to her often on the blog) and she is 8.

Have you read any good books if so what do you recommend to a book lover? I admit I have not been reading like I used to I
m trying to get some balance and order in my life, however anything by Eric J. Dickey is a must read in my humble opinion.

What's one movie you can watch a hundred times and it never gets old? Boyz N the Hood
really any of the early John Singleton movies. Love him!
If you could change 3 things about your physical appearance what would it be? I would have a flat stomach, smaller thighs, and no more saggy mommy boobs Really I just want to be skinnier otherwise Im good with me!

What is your fave snack? Cucumber sand white cheddar cheese
I LOVE it!!!

What all websites do you visit when you're online? My school website (grad school sucks), blogger, gmail
I do other social media from my phone like twitter and Instagram
I nominate: Heather

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Family... or just some matching DNA

Hello to my readers who still may be left. LOL I have totally been slacking on the blogs bit my family (and unfortunately my job) have required and deserved more attention from me. I miss you guys though. So here is the plan. As often as I can I will be blogging and trying to keep up with Wellness Wednesday. Now on to some things that have been on my mind…
How I feel most days


Why is it that family can hurt you worse than anyone? Is it because we have an innate sense of wanting to be accepted by them? Why can’t I just say fu@# it to them as I have to so many others (maybe I don’t wanna miss Thanksgiving dinner ehh *shrug*)… Uh oh I’m rambling let me give you some back story.

 My brother (I have three only grew up with one) and I have never had that relationship that you see on TV. We are definitely no Brandy and Ray J LOL. Our relationship has been dysfunctional as far back as I can remember. We are 8 years apart and I’m the baby so I get his resentment issues but dam I didn’t ask to be here. I don’t think either of my parents made the relationship or lack thereof any better. Anywho we are adults now and that is neither here nor there.

So the problem is his FAVORITE child quite possibly has an eating disorder and she is 12. She told me jokingly of course “food is not your friend… I don’t eat… I don’t have time for all that.” Later her mom expressed to me that within a week’s time a new pair of jeans no longer fit because she had lost weight. Then I hear that possibly she has been eating and throwing up. *Let me just tell you all kind of mommy bells and therapist alarms are ringing* So when I see her (we usually do not mesh well because I think she is too grown for her pants and don’t take kindly to children talking back to me) I’m overly nice because I need to talk to her.

That was mistake number 1. I should have ignored her as usual and kept my freakin nose and therapeutic instinct to myself. Well I didn’t. Long story short I casually mentioned eating disorders and how then can negatively affect your body, praised her for working so hard at basketball and told her she was really getting an athlete’s body and proper nutrition was key. That’s it moved on nothing else was said she spent the rest of the evening up my ass.

Fast foward to her going home I get a call from my brother demanding to know why I teased his daughter about eating disorders and I know how sensitive she is, I'm supposed to be a psychologist so I know better (Uh wrong I'm a therapist but maybe oneday i will be a psychologist), I'm one of the smartest people he knows so I should do a child like this (thanks for the compliment but whoa). Now me on the other end of the phone in shock like WTF. I did not hurt her feelings (she is a huge cry baby and I would have known). I try to explain myself but by now I'm pissed because he simply assumed I was trying to be malicious to the 12 year old. He never said what happened or anything he just went all in.

As a therapist I’m used to people being upset with me and I even warn them that the initial session is always best and there will be times you won’t like me. My job is to show the person what they are presenting to me and help them change what they deem needs to be changed. No one wants to be called on their crap so it is often a little conflict. Back to my brother, why is not possible that my adult techniques didn’t work with the 12 year old so she felt upset. Why did it have to be I was intentionally trying to hurt her? So he continued to try to tell me I was wrong and should not have said anything to her (yea ok lets enable this dangerous behavior and then act shocked when she is sick later). I say fine I wont say anything to any of your children and he says then don’t and I hang up and I’m a wreck.

Emotionally I freakin come apart. Maybe it was because a few days earlier  was talking to the Mr about my brother and how we have no relationship and I need to come to terms that he will never give me the relationship I want from him. Maybe its because I hold things in so everything that had been bothering me came out… nope its because my brother said to my dad that he and all his children were out of the wedding (one of whom I am extremely close with and call her my first child and have never imagined my wedding day without her) and that he was done with me. He told my mom that he considered this chapter closed and I'm the reason he does not come to their house when I'm in town.

I knew we weren’t close, and that I'm not his favorite person in the world but DAM. I also thought that all the bonding we did on the road trip to see my aunt was fake (I thought he was just spying for my mom- that’s a whole other post) but now I KNOW it was fake.

 I’m convinced he was there to report back since my mom can tell stories like she was on the dam trip anyway. I feel like I was hit with a brick I watched being thrown at me.

Whew… and this is the reason I blog, to get it all out. Yes it hurts but you know what I will be fine. I don’t want to be a sister to someone who does not want to be my brother. Sometimes DNA is just that, chromosomes that happen to match because we came through the same birth canal. It will be fine I’m sure. What I have learned in life and most recently planning this wedding is that people leave your life. Just that simple. Everyone you meet is not there for long haul whether some of our genes match or not.

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