So as you all know I got married last November. Well honey let me tell you because no one else will. It is no walk in the park. It is fun but equally trying. Recently I came cross this post about being a better wife. It spoke volumes to my soul this lady said it perfectly for me because being a good wife is something I legit have to work at. It doesn't come naturally to me. I guess I am just wired differently. Please understand I love my husband but its the other stuff that causes me to struggle.
Later I check my inbox and I see this post again speaking to soul and It made me think, there has to be more than just us struggling with this marriage thing. Why is it so wrong for women to say that they need help being a wife? It doesn't mean there is no love or that there is cheating. It simply means help is needed.
I'm not sure I had a good example of what being good wife is so I did some research by talking to some married friends of mine (like I need a reason to gossip on the phone lol). The number one thing I kept hearing was "you gotta take care of ya man." Well the therapist in me couldn't handle the vague taking care of your man answer. I asked for clarity and here is what they came up with:
SEX- This was the number one answer. Of course I have friends who said that marriage is more than sex, but still the majority said sex
FOOD- Another popular answer was to ensure that there is always dinner or whatever meal your husband may need depending on the shift he works.
TAKING CARE OF HOME- Another answer I had to dig a little deeper for. This means ensuring the kids are well kept, the house is decent (clean if you stay home), and you have basically filtered out the bullshit that will only increase his load.
BEING SUPPORTIVE- Encouraging him as the world is tough an men want to and need to know they are doing a good job as the man of the house. This also includes supporting his dreams (even if you feel like being a wife and mom are slowly killing yours because after all you chose this life).
PRAY- So only a few people said this one. I personally think it should be at the top but I am sticking true to what my "married friends" said. This one is a great one. I notice when my hubby and I are praying together daily our relationship is smoother, and things seem to align. As soon as we get too comfortable and slack on the daily prayers together things get rocky.
|Photo by Meredith Brown|
These things all seem really easy but when you are working and raising children it is easy to fall into a pattern of boring and waiting on Friday. Then Friday comes and you are dog tired and all you can think about is sleep your spouse may go neglected. Then you think Oh we have Saturday but in my case Saturday is packed with youth sports and errands and once again your spouse has gotten the short end of the stick.
All in all marriage is a hard, winding, two way street that has to be walked if not ran EVERY single day in order to make it work. Hopefully this small list will help some newlywed working mom like it helped me. I am making a genuine effort to do each of these things weekly some are harder than others (that's what she said!!!) just based on weekly incidents but I'm thinking if I do all five in a week he should notice a difference and married life will be a tad easier.
Ok married ladies what are your thoughts??...