Monday, November 3, 2014

Can We Ever Have It All?!

When speaking with a good friend of mine of course men came up and after the talk I was stuck with the question "Can you really have it all."

Ok back story: She is a woman who loves verbal validation. In previous relationships her partners excelled at this. Currently her mate is less verbal but is Mr. Action. Real action, that some women would die for. For example she was working all day and hadn't eaten. He did not say or ask her anything he simply showed up with food. When speaking about her signing her daughter up for sports he immediately asked about cost and wanted to help financially (single mother's dream statement!!!). So whats the problem? She needs the verbal.

This lead to me thinking about life in general. It seems we are always striving for or wanting what we do not have. When we work we want to be at home, When at home we yearn for the office. We believe we are either too fat, or too thin never just right. Single people want to be married and married people want to be single (in some cases).Its like a constant stage of wanting and never being satisfied. Let me be clear I am NOT advocating that we all become complacent just noting how we are never satisfied. DO we ever get it all?

So it lead me to this thought: We need to step out of outside of our Disney brainwashing (yep I am Disney victim lover as well) and get real. Birds don't sing to us, no one has locked us away in a tower (even though some days I wish I was), and having it all 100% of the time is NOT realistic. No man, job, weight loss plan, or anything else will ever be 100 percent perfect. Nope we can never truly have it all because when you give something your all something else inevitably does not get all of your attention. Think about it, when you are on point at work your home life is probably lacking, and there is laundry and dishes that need to be done, or your having a severe case of mommy guilt feeling as if you don't spend enough time with your children.

So what does that mean? We should give up and stop trying? Hell no it means we strive harder, dream bigger, and ADJUST our expectations. Just so we are all clear adjust does NOT mean lower. That means if you are like me and enjoy someone bringing you food more than you do someone telling you how great you are recognize having both in the same man is probably not happening.

Let me drive it home. If your man is spoiling you with his words take a closer look into his actions, those words could be covering up for the lack of real action.  Usually men who are action prone do not have time to spoil you with words.

So I guess my point is decide what you can handle. Would you rather have a mate who takes out the trash, and does other acts of service or tell you how great you are. I believe sometimes we as women wrap our worth up into the man in our lives. While compliments are great knowing its winter and the garbage is out, or the light bill is paid, is wonderful as well.

Since we cannot have it all it all comes down to what we want the most. Whats more important to you actions or words...


  1. Ughhhh my content went away after i logged in. You hit all of the nails on the head with this one though. I was literally just in my feelings cuz hubby came to my preformance & offered ZERO feedback as if he didn't see it. But he was there & in theory that shows that he cares too.

    Its tough dealing with a lack of words when I'm such a verbal person though

    Good post regardless

  2. Love this post! So true! I was pretty much in that same boat. And on top of that, I always want it all in everything I do so you can see why I would have been disappointed. At one point, my husband was basically paying atleast 80% of our bills eventhough I had a job because (long story) but we were just having alot of issues and so I felt like if he wasn't gonna be willing to do what I needed him to do, i.e., talk more, engage more, have some sort of enthusiasm about life, then I would just entertain myself, which usually envolved spending alot of money on whatever. Petty I know, but it made me feel better. Then I eventually started realizing that waaaaiiiit, not everyones husband is so financially responsible and can be counted on the pay all the bills, on time while I just lay back and enjoy life. So slowly, I began to really evaluate myself and my expectations and decide was I wanted to do about it. Fast forward now, I stopped taking him for granted and just accepted that he may never be perfect BUT one thing he has always done well is love me unconditionally, support us financially without any complaints even when I wasnt being fair, and put in effort. I say all that to say, he's still not perfect but he has come a loooooonnnnnng way and is pretty close to perfect now. But along the way and even now, I have to constantly remind myself that while yes, I will always be inclined to push his limits from time to time because I'm definately an eat your cake and have it too, kinda girl, I'm also not afraid to just accept what I have and be genuinely happy and grateful for that. P.S. i apologize for writing a book in your comments section. LOL. :)


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