Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wellness Wednesday- Good bye Friend

This post is a long time coming... since March 9, 2014 to be exact... why is it so hard for the therapist to express her feelings.. I guess his birthday is a good enough day. Happy birthday my forever friend!

Suicide is a major taboo and as a mental health professional I am able to rattle of facts, myths, coping skills, and places to seek help without thinking to hard. What I am not able to to do is tell you how to process your grief when suicide hits home.

It was a normal Sunday evening at the Gilyard house when I received a telephone call that I still have nightmares about. My friend, colleague, supervisor, and mentor had committed suicide earlier that day. My instant thought was why would he play such a cruel joke on me and Monday (the next day) I was going to curse him out.

You see he an I started out as co workers and he later became my boss but during that time we developed a strong friendship and I even considered him to be my brother. He was one of the smartest people I know. He had this weird sense of dry humor and would always make me question my decisions as a way to make me better. He was very smart and strong minded so it till baffles me that he believed in that instance suicide was the only way.

So why did he do this? The job as I have vented about several times is very stressful, and with him being in middle management (having no real power to make changes) I know it was even more overwhelming for him. Did he have other risk factors? Sure but if you look at suicide from a textbook viewpoint WE ALL have risk factors. This man is not a text book case. He was my friend a man who often declared how stupid suicide was because "the body fights to stay alive." A man who was and still is loved and respected by those who knew him.

Suicide unfortunately is one those things we will never have the answer to. I will never know why he chose to leave his family. I will always wonder why he didn't use the tools and resources he knew so well. I have to think all the time was there something as a professional and as his friend that I missed. I'm left with so many questions and no answers. Sure I have thought of a thousand conspiracy type situations but I know that is my grief trying to explain the unexplained. I have cried a thousand tears and he is still gone. He left no note and no answers. I can only imagine that in that moment he believed what he was doing was the right thing.

So for anyone out there who needs help do not be ashamed. Suicide is never your only way out. There is help if you seek it. With technology growing in leaps and bounds there is even help available via online chat. Please do not leave your family, tomorrow is always another chance to make a change and get it right.

Go here for more information and help.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

4 Things You Do NOT Say To A Pregnant Woman

Carrying life is a joy... ok its a joy when the baby comes. The stretch marks, weight gain, sleepless nights, swollen ankles and such are a just thing you suffer through to see that cute little life that your hoping looks just like you. Along this journey you are hormonal may even a little more sensitive and do not need a constant reminder if your weight gain.

However it seems that is all people want to talk about. Try being married and trying to keep the sexy alive with a bowling ball in front of you at all times. Even the cute maternity clothes are still maternity clothes and no matter how cute you think you are someone reminds you that your gaining weight. No one has time for that. Its called growing a life. You are bound to expand. Hopefully you non pregnant women mean no harm so here is a friendly reminder to be sensitive to us life bearers. The next time you see a pregnant lady PLEASE refrain from saying the following:

1. You are getting so HUGE.- OK WTF is this about? We realize that we are growing a life and therefore our body is expanding. I posted this picture

 to my Instagram and someone said I was huge... HELLO I'm creating a life and I'm in my third trimester. Its no secret that I was not small before I got pregnant!!!

2. You sure its just one baby... again this is a dumb ass question. If I thought or knew there were two I would say so. This is just another way to remind me how big I am getting.

3.How much weight have you gained?.. It is none of your business. Nothing I say is going to be good enough. If I say something too small you will buck your eyes and tell me I look bigger. If I say a high number you will gawk and make me more self conscious.

4.Are you going to make it until your due date?... Why is it a surprise that pregnant women gain weight? We look in the mirror daily and since there is this thing called prenatal care we are weight often.

So let me leave you with this. As we carry this life our whole body is changing. Dark skin spots, hair texture changes, emotions are on a constant  roller coaster, and boobs that seem to grow as fast as our belly, and we are really trying to keep it all together. We don't care that you think we are huge and if you cannot refrain from reminding us of our weight just smile say hi and keep it moving!!!!


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Girl where you been?!?!?!?!

Hello out there!!! Is anyone still reading or I have been removed from your blog roll for lack of publishing? Its ok I would have removed myself as well LOL... So allow me to reintroduce myself and tell you whats been going on in my absence...

Hey I'm Toya, I recently (on November 30, 2014)  GOT MARRIED, discovered how easy and fun DIY projects can be, tried my hand at being an entrepreneur and opened a boutique, and jumped off the weight loss bandwagon after finding out I'm pregnant!!!! Can you believe it? If it were not for this kicking I'm feeling as I type I would not believe it. I was told due to me being overweight and having PCOS I was unable to become pregnant...welp looks like the Man upstairs had other plans.

So the line was so faint I tried to stay in denial but hubby was not having that. LOL!!!!!

That's right ten years, ok nine years and eleven months later I will welcome a new edition to my family. The baby is due 11/10/2014 and mini me will be 10 on 12/1/2014. Looks like the husband wasted no time in knocking me up LOL.

I have several post in cue so excuse the fact that there is no flow and as soon as the pre written post are published we will be all caught up. A while ago I wrote this post in an attempt to inform peeps about my blog and let them decide if this space is for them. Let us be honest there are billions and trillions of blogs out there. I cuss, like wine (currently going through pregnancy detox lol), and don't offer much on the craft side of things so if this space is not for that is fine with me. For every one else click around I hope you will stay awhile... since I'm posting again....

Just because we are so cute!!! LOL

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