Monday, May 11, 2015

Confessions of THIS stay at home Mom

Usually I would give a disclaimer about how this post is personal and there are exceptions blah blah... well I am on limited time as my precious baby sleeps so as usual take what you need and leave what you dont...

For the last 10 months I have been at home with no job... I had some complications with my pregnancy, moved, moved again, and now have been staying home with my beautiful baby boy. Sounds great right? Well it is most of the time but every now and again it is awful. So I am going to be honest with you about how I feel.

1. I secretly miss work. I know, I know when I was working I dreamed of being a SAHM but now I miss the water cooler convo, putting on clothes, needing coffee, and most importantly the paycheck. Are we humans ever really satisfied? If it makes any difference I did go to school for 6 years for a profession that I love, so yea I miss work sometimes more than others. I am EXTREMELY blessed to be able to stay home but the extras I took for granted are now gone because we have 4 people living on one income.

Me at my old job

I used to keep my desk messy for my OCD clients

2. I don't have as much time as I thought I would. It would seem staying home there would be plenty of time to cook, clean, blog, craft, organize, workout, and still care for your bundle of joy. Or at least that is the idea I had in my mind. I was totally wrong. With baby J not being in daycare my days are a lot less glamorous. They are filled with poop, puke, tears, mad dashes to pick things up from the floor before they go in his mouth, and praying for a nap. I make sure to get my shower daily and even that is a struggle some days but it helps me feel more human and less machine.

3. I don't manage my time wisely. That whole sleep when baby sleeps is my TRUTH on most days. I justify the naps because I am up all night for feedings and more tears. Realistically I should get more done while he is sleep. However showering, and eating at a normal pace take precedent. Lately he has been having fits before each and every nap. I mean full out crying tantrums when he is just sleepy. Poor guy doesn't realize this is the best time of his life he can simply sleep whenever he wants. So by the time he does drift off to sleep I am ready and more than willing to sleep with him.

4. There is always something to do. No matter if I nap with baby or not I can never get it all done. There is always a mess, laundry, cleaning, or something that has to be done. I cant see how taking away me working and adding a little person has managed to create a house that I can never have all the way together at one time.

5. There is still mommy guilt. With my older child I never stayed home. I was 19 and on the grind to create a better life for us. There was all kinds of guilt revolving around working, and leaving her at daycare blah blah. With baby J I am home and still feel guilty. Guilty because I miss work, or cant remember if it has been 2 days or 3 days since we tried the new food, and did I sweep today so he can play on the floor...

The way I see it being a mom is the best worse job I have ever had. I LOVE my babies but I am not a Pinterest mom. I do not always have it all together, although my husband would tell you different. He swears I have all the answers lol. I am glad he feels that way but I secretly know I am just barely holding it together most days.

So moms of the world do NOT feel bad if your life is not exactly like your mother hood, craft Pinterest board. It is ok to cry, and fail as long as you keep trying.Your children do not have any other mom to compare you too so you stop comparing yourself to others. You are awesome for trying every day.

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